Death To Selfie Part 2: Relationship Behaviors
The “Selfie” illustrates a conflict that exists between who we believe ourselves to be and who we want other people to see.
- There is the me I see.
- There is the me I hope to be.
- There is the me I pretend to be.
- There is the me I was created to be.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIORS
1. Over Apologizing – If you apologize for apologizing you may be struggling with low self-worth.
2. Being Needy or Clingy – If you are scared to lose love at any moment, it’s because you don’t feel worthy of love. If you’re plastering your love all over social media, “Who are you trying to convince?”
3. Being a People Pleaser – If you feel the need to prove your worth to people, it’s because you don’t see yourself through God’s eyes. People pleasing is a form of dishonesty. It often results in lying in order to gain approval.
4. Cockiness – Cockiness is often more about what a person thinks they lack than what they think they have. It’s often a mask for low self worth so people don’t get to close.
5. Distance – We don’t let people get too close for fear that they will see the real us, and reject us.
6. Overspending – When you are buying people gifts instead of paying your rent, it often comes from low self-worth. I need gifts because they won’t love me for me.
7. Not Making Decisions – Not being able to communicate your opinions because people might not like them is a sign of low self esteem. Your opinions are important too!
8. Not Setting Boundaries – People should not be able to treat you any way they want. Boundaries helps people understand the way you want to be treated.
9. Sabotaging Relationships – If you break off a good relationship before it ever had a chance, but you stay in unhealthy relationships, it’s because of identity.
10. Obsessing About Your Appearance – If no one can see you unless you are all done up, it stems from fear of not being accepted as you are.
Last week we looked at the life of Jacob. However, both of Jacob’s wives dealt with insecurities, jealousy, and fears.
Genesis 29:16-18 (NIV) Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”
. . . Leah looked rather plain, but Rachel was lovely in form. – ISV
. . . There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes . . . – NLT
At this time, Jacob is 76 years old and still single. He is running from his brother because he stole his brother’s birthright and blessing. Jacob wants a blessed life (happy), but he is superficial and selfish. He is not living God’s way. Joy can’t take root in shallow soil.
Luke 8:6 (TLB) Other seed fell on shallow soil with rock beneath. This seed began to grow (vs 13: they received joy), but soon withered and died.
Genesis 29:20-23, 25 (NIV) So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.” 22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her . . . 25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”
You can’t live a lie and get away with it. God is not mocked. The home we are building is the home we have to live in. Jacob works another 7 years for Rachel. He is married now to both Leah and Rachel.
Genesis 29:30-32 (NIV) Jacob’s love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah . . . . When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”
Leah is trying to prove she’s worthy of love by what she does.
She is trying to gain approval through works. He will love me if. She is basing her happiness on a person, instead of God.
Why wasn’t God’s love enough? When the Lord saw she wasn’t loved by Jacob, He took action to let her know she is loved by Him.
Genesis 29:34-35 (NIV) Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.
While Leah was jealous of Rachel, Rachel was jealous of Leah!
Genesis 30:1, 22 (NIV) When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” . . . . 22 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.”
Rachel has the approval, Jacob loves her, but it wasn’t enough. Why are we so drawn to see what we don’t have, instead of what we do? Why do we live our life to please people, instead of God?
Matthew 1:1-2 (NIV) This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah the son of David, the son of Abraham: Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah.
Leah’s purpose was to bring forth the Messiah. God hand selected her for that role. Leah, the one no one wanted, was loved by God and called to this special purpose!